I AM

Ho-hum, where shall I begin. This blog will be most likely turn out to be a way for me to understand myself more than anything. Maybe it will enlighten someone as well.

I will start with a timeline of my life up to the present.

Ages 0-8: Lived in a big white farm house that my parents rented. I have almost nothing but good memories from this time in my life. The bad ones are stupid things like not being allowed to have candy for dinner and horrible things like that. My childhood was grand!

Age 8: My parents had their first home built. A log home (which they still live in) 1/4 of a mile down the same narrow dirt road that the big old white house was on.

Ages 8-12: Again, I really had a picture perfect experience growing up. Great parents, great friends, and I'd like to believe that I was great too :)

Ages13-17: I believe I was either abducted by aliens and injected with psycho bitch juice, or possessed by none other than satan himself. My family would most assuredly tell you the same. I suppose for the sake of sounding "normal" we could refer to this abnormal time in my life as puberty. I know it had to be more than that. Puberty and hormones take the blame for it though.

Ages 17-18: Graduated from Belding High School and went on to college at Northern Michigan University with my major declared as Spanish. By the time I was 18 I had conceived my first child and due to pregnancy induced illness was not able to attend the rest of my college courses.

Ages 18-19: Got married. Had a baby. How's that for a long story short?!

Okay fuck the timeline I'm just going to write now. During the course of my marriage I had two more children for a total of three. I was married for just over 7 years and immediately after divorcing I jumped into a very serious relationship. That relationship was not healthy and from it I carry lots of emotional scarring. I can't even begin to explain it on here at the moment. How is it that the people we love and care about with all of our heart and soul are also the people who hurt us so deeply?

Looking back at my timeline I realize I barely even touched the surface. Well what the fuck do you expect? I'm new at this.

Needless to say, I'm at a point now in my life where I am beginning to feel at peace with who I am, what I have been through, and what I have yet to encounter. I am still young and there is so much left in this world for me to explore, learn, and experience. Tell me, should I do it alone? I have dreams and my dreams always include a protective, loving man. Maybe it's my Dad. Maybe it's my "soul mate". Maybe it's just a friend. Maybe it's a really butch woman....let's hope not. Thanks for reading.